Going through life, it's nice to have a purpose. We all feel like we're living our best lives when we have a sense of direction and can see the big picture of our lives falling into place with every step we take. Wouldn't it be nice if we could feel that way 24/7/365? Sign me up.
But, as we all know, life doesn't always work that way. Very quickly things can spiral out of control and we have no idea what the big picture is supposed to look like. I've been there. I've thought I had my life all figured out and then the universe said, "Here, hold my beer and watch this." As much as it sucks, it happens to everyone and, if given the time to breathe, we can all turn that lost and waiting season into something beautiful.
As I was preparing to study abroad in 2016, I had never felt more unprepared for life or more uncertain about what I was supposed to be doing with it. It sucked, and I didn't want to allow myself time to become who I was supposed to be in that season. I tried to force it. I tried to be someone I wasn't. I wanted so badly to be interesting and exciting and have all these stories like my friends did, who were planning adventures at home.
I felt a massive sense of injustice. I felt like I didn't belong in this season and that I would magically wake up one morning and it would all be sorted out because I was never supposed to be there in the first place. I bet you can guess that never happened.
Friends, I just had to wait it out because God's plans for me were so much greater than my plans for God. Even though I wasn't sure about anything the first time I went to Prague by myself, I got on that plane and I waited. And slowly God revealed a dream that had been on my heart all along, one that I would never have been aware of had I not been brave enough to just go with it.
When you aren't sure, lean into the curve. Just take a second to breathe and gather your friends close. When I got on the first leg of my flight to Prague, I found friends. When I landed and settled in, I found a home in our sweet little neighborhood and a tribe that became like family. I am who I am today because I went through the tough journey to Prague and all the impatience and apprehension that went with it.
In the season of waiting and uncertainty, create a sense of belonging for yourself, even if you have to fight for it. Be present. Breathe. Find a cup of coffee with a friend. Call someone you haven't seen for a while. It's okay to get frustrated and angry and scared, but don't let life stop around you because you aren't 100% satisfied with what's happening. Be messy. Take risks. Book that ticket. Get on that plane. Give yourself permission to change.
And most importantly: trust that your life will fall into place. When I started unpacking my suitcase that first night in my tiny little apartment with the pink kitchen and scary carpet, I found a note from my mom, who somehow knows exactly what to say.
"Brooke, be present. Where you are today is no accident. God is using the situation you're in right now to shape you and prepare you for your future. Trust in His plan, even if you don't understand it."
Go with it, and trust that some way, somehow, you'll find your way in everything, and it just might surprise you. If you're not there yet, that's okay. I don't think any of us are ever fully "there." If you know where "there" is, please see my Contact page because I would love to join you! But in the meantime, during my current season of waiting, I'm giving myself permission to just be.